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Understanding and Responding to Behaviour

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There are many things you can do to support positive behaviour in your child:

Follow a routine and provide your child with consistent rules and limits.
Make sure your child is getting enough sleep. Have a regular bedtime and wake-up time, create a routine to practice before bed (e.g., bath time, brushing teeth, reading in bed), and put away electronic devices at least one hour before bed.
Support your child in eating well.
Limit your child's screen time.
Listen to your child and show respect for their thoughts and feelings.
Give your child fair warning that an activity will soon need to stop (e.g., Say "five minutes until dinner").
Role model how you deal with difficult situations by staying calm.
Teach your child that it is okay to make mistakes, and that it is okay to ask for help.

Why children get upset

Children express their feelings through their behaviour, and may act out when they feel scared, bored, tired, hungry, frustrated, or overwhelmed.

Some tips to help respond to your child’s behaviour include:

Praising positive behaviour

Praising others can make a big difference in behaviour. It makes people feel appreciated. Praise your child not only when they succeed but also when they tried their best.

Redirecting behaviour

Recognize difficult behaviour early and redirect their attention from negative to positive behaviours. If you notice children getting restless, distract them with something they enjoy (e.g., a game, or story).

Using positive language

Phrase things in terms of what you want instead of what you don’t want. Instead of “stop shouting” try “please speak more quietly”.

Taking a break and staying calm

Give yourself ten seconds to calm down and slowly breathe in and out before responding. Consider going to another area for 10 minutes to regain control of your emotions. It is also okay to ask for help when you are feeling tired or stressed so that you can take a break.

Using consequences

Consequences should only be used after you have given your child time to correct their behaviour. Use a consequence that relates to the behaviour (e.g., if they have made a mess in a room, have them help to clean it up). Consequences are not about punishment, but about helping your child learn from and take responsibility for their actions. Do not spank your child. Spanking can teach children that hitting is okay and cause them to distrust their parents.

Helping your child to calm down

Help your child calm down by taking deep breaths together, thinking about something pleasant, or counting to 10 calmly and slowly.
Encourage your child when they use these strategies or are able to calm down by themselves.

source: When Children Misbehave, When We Get Angry – World health Organization

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Let's Slow Down

Playful parenting tips

Social and emotional behaviour and development

Children grow and learn from their parents and the world around them. Things that play a role in forming social and emotional skills include:

Attachment

Attachment is the bond between you and your child. Attachment develops as you respond to your child when they are sick, hurt, upset, sad, scared, or lonely. Secure attachment is when your child knows they can depend on you for their needs. Secure attachment helps your child to:

Be self-confident
Explore the world, and
Understand how others act and think.

Temperament

The way your child approaches and responds to the world around them, based on a set of traits they were born with. For example, some children may be calm, irritable, or cautious. Understand and support your child's traits, highlight their strengths in a way that will fit their temperament.

Parenting and care giving practices

Positive parenting happens when there is a balance of love, healthy expectations, structure, and routine. Healthy emotions and social skills are formed when your parenting practices are:

consistent in their actions,
responsive to your child's needs, and
providing your child with choices.

Positive relationships

A positive relationship includes seeing and experiencing love and respect. Positive relationships help your child to:

care about and understand others,
share and get along with friends,
be themselves, and
express their needs.

Stress

Stress comes from both the good and bad that happen to us. There are three types of stress:

Positive stress: is a short period of stress, like being hungry or meeting new people. Your child is capable of managing this stress, it is a normal part of development and will help your child to develop skills to control their emotions.
Tolerable stress: is any event that causes a lot of stress. Your child experiences this stress but will be able to manage it because they have supportive and positive relationships.
Toxic stress: is any event that causes a lot of stress. Your child may experience this stress if they do not have supportive and positive relationships in their life. Toxic stress can prevent your child from developing normal social and emotional skills.

Resilience

Resilience is our ability to recover from life's challenges. Teach your child to be resilient by:

being loving,
being a good role model (e.g., coping with stress in a positive way, helping others, positive self-esteem), and
teaching problem solving and how to manage strong feelings.

Play

It is your child's job. Play helps your child to:

learn to think and to be creative,
get along with others,
understand emotions,
learn motor skills,
problem solve, and
try new things.

Resources

When Children Misbehave (PDF) – World Health Organization
When We Get Angry (PDF) – World health Organization
Positive Discipline for Young children - Caring for Kids
What's Wrong with Spanking? - Health Canada